Maintaining Your Identity Beyond the Roles You Wear
Hey friend, let’s talk about something that’s so easy to lose sight of in the chaos of life: YOU. We wear so many hats—mother, partner, professional, caretaker—you name it. And while those roles are important and fulfilling, they can also become so consuming that we forget the person underneath. ( I don’t know how many times I go to pick my child up at school and they just referred to me as MOM…… ummm excuse me but I do have a name.)
I’ve been there. As a mother, wife, and therapist, my days are often filled with caring for others, solving problems, and meeting needs. And while I love these roles deeply, I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t take time to nurture me, I start feeling stretched thin, disconnected, and even resentful. That’s why I’ve made it a priority to hold on tightly to my identity outside of the titles I carry.
Let me share a little secret with you: maintaining your identity isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Here’s how I’ve learned to protect and nurture my sense of self, and maybe some of these ideas will resonate with you too.
1. Schedule “Me Time” Like It’s an Appointment You Can’t Cancel
We’re so good at putting everyone else first, but when it comes to ourselves, we push our needs to the back burner. Stop doing that. Seriously. Block out time on your calendar for yourself—whether it’s an hour, a day, or even just 10 minutes. Treat it like a non-negotiable appointment.
For me, “me time” might look like sneaking away for a solo coffee date, planning a getaway with my girlfriends, or indulging in a staycation where I do absolutely nothing productive. And you know what? I come back to my roles feeling recharged and more present.
2. Do Things That Light You Up
Think about what makes you feel alive, happy, and you. Is it painting? Gardening? Taking a dance class? Whatever it is, make room for it. Don’t wait for the “right time” because that time may never come.
For me, it’s traveling—sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. There’s something healing about exploring new places, even if it’s just a quick road trip. It reminds me that I’m more than the roles I fill—I’m a person with dreams, curiosity, and a sense of adventure.
3. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Here’s a hard truth: you can’t pour from an empty cup. That means you have to set boundaries that protect your energy and your time. Say no to things that drain you. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
When I say I need some time to myself, I mean it. I don’t feel guilty about taking that time because I know it makes me a better mom, a more present partner, and a more compassionate therapist.
4. Reconnect with Who You Were Before the Titles
Do you remember who you were before life got so full? Think back to the hobbies, passions, or quirks that made you you. Maybe you loved writing poetry, playing an instrument, or getting lost in a good book. Whatever it was, bring it back into your life.
For me, it’s those moments when I can immerse myself in a day of shopping, finding little treasures, or just enjoying the simple pleasure of walking through stores with no rush. It’s a small thing, but it’s a reminder of who I am outside of my responsibilities.
5. Embrace the Word “No”
We’re taught that saying no is selfish, but it’s one of the most liberating things you can do. Saying no to something that doesn’t align with your needs or priorities is saying yes to yourself.
When someone asks me to do something that I know will stretch me too thin, I’ve learned to pause and ask, “Does this serve me right now?” If the answer is no, then guess what? I say no—with kindness, of course.
6. Surround Yourself with People Who Support the Real You
The people in your life should celebrate your individuality, not just the roles you play for them. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who encourage you to prioritize yourself and cheer you on when you do.
When I travel with my friends, I feel so uplifted because they understand that these moments aren’t about neglecting my family or work—they’re about reconnecting with myself.
7. Celebrate Small Wins
Maintaining your identity doesn’t have to be a grand overhaul. Start small. Celebrate every little moment when you prioritize yourself, whether it’s enjoying a solo cup of tea in the morning or carving out time to read a book you love.
Why It Matters
When you hold on to your identity, you’re doing more than just caring for yourself—you’re modeling something powerful for those around you. Your kids learn that it’s okay to take time for themselves. Your partner sees you as the vibrant, multifaceted person they fell in love with. And you? You start to feel whole again, showing up for life with more energy and joy.
So, my friend, don’t lose yourself in the shuffle of life. You’re more than the titles you wear. You’re a whole, unique, incredible person. Make time to honor that, and never feel guilty about holding on to who you are. After all, when you’re at your best, you bring the best to everyone and everything around you.
Now go make time for YOU—because you deserve it. 💛
