Grief Beyond Loss
Hey friends,
Today, I started to reflect on grief and how we often associate it with the passing of a loved one. However, I want to challenge that concept and broaden the conversation. Grief can happen at the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or the closing of a chapter in life. Grief, at its core, is about loss—any kind of loss—and the emotional aftermath that comes with it.
When a relationship ends, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or familial, we can find ourselves grieving what was and what could have been. The end of a relationship often brings with it a sense of failure, regret, or confusion. You’re not just losing the person; you’re losing shared dreams, routines, and a piece of your identity that was intertwined with them. That kind of grief is real, and it’s valid.
The same applies to other forms of loss. Losing a job can bring grief over the loss of stability, purpose, and identity. Moving to a new city might mean grieving the comfort of familiar surroundings and close connections. Even transitions that we choose, like graduating from college or retiring, can carry a bittersweet sense of loss as we leave behind a part of ourselves.
When my mother died, I realized that I didn’t just lose my mom—I lost my status as daughter. I lost the ability to reach out to her, to hear her voice, to share the small and big moments of my life. I lost a grandmother for my son and a source of unwavering support as I navigated the journey of becoming a wife. That kind of grief doesn’t just fade away. It can linger, reappear, and evolve over time. Grief can be ongoing, showing up unexpectedly years or even decades later—a reminder of love and connection that remains.
Grief shows up in many forms, and it doesn’t follow a linear path. You might feel sadness, anger, disbelief, or even relief. It’s important to allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without judgment.
The Stages of Grief
You may have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, originally introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, are often used to describe the emotional process of coping with loss. While they provide a helpful framework, it’s important to understand that grief is not a linear process. You might move back and forth between stages, skip some entirely, or experience them in a different order.
Denial. This is often the first reaction to loss, where we struggle to process the reality of what’s happened. Denial can feel like numbness or shock, giving us time to adjust to the initial wave of emotions.
Anger. As the reality of the loss sets in, feelings of frustration or anger may arise. You might direct this anger at yourself, others, or the situation itself.
Bargaining. In this stage, we may dwell on "what if" or "if only" scenarios, hoping to regain a sense of control or understanding.
Depression. Deep sadness often follows as the weight of the loss becomes more apparent. This stage can feel overwhelming but is a natural part of grieving.
Acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re "over" the loss. Instead, it means you’ve reached a place of understanding and can begin to move forward while honoring the loss.
Remember, these stages are not rules or expectations. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no "right" way to do it. What matters most is allowing yourself to feel and heal at your own pace.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate grief in all its forms:
Acknowledge the loss. Whatever you’re grieving, give yourself permission to name it and feel it. Loss is loss, and it deserves to be honored.
Give yourself time. Healing from grief doesn’t have a set timeline. Be patient with yourself and avoid rushing the process.
Find support. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, having people to share your feelings with can make the burden feel lighter.
Take care of yourself. Grief can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Make sure to prioritize rest, nutrition, and self-care.
Find meaning. While loss is painful, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Reflect on what the experience has taught you and how you can move forward.
Remember, grief is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of love, connection, and change. It reminds us of what mattered to us and shapes the way we grow. So whether you’re grieving the end of a relationship, a life transition, or a loved one, know that your feelings are valid, and healing is possible. 💛
